There’s this subject that continues to resurfaces in my life from the time I was a child until now. I’m finding myself tackling it as a parent in the Torah-observant movement. And it seems to be one of those things that everyone is dealing with in some way, shape, or form. Keeping our Torah-observant teens on the straight and narrow path.
The other day I was watching a movie called “Voiceless”. It was about an honorably discharged Afghanistan war veteran who became the leader of a church’s community outreach ministry. The veteran opened up a boxing ring in a rough neighborhood across the street from (what he didn’t originally know was) an abortion clinic. He quickly found himself becoming a pro-life activist trying to sway women away from choosing abortion. Crazy part is, the church he was partnered with wanted no parts of standing up against the abortion clinic because they were afraid of political backlash and losing members in their already small church.
The movie had a great ending, that I won’t spoil. However, it got me thinking–why is it that we in this Torah observant movement, neglect the weightier matters of the Torah in regards to raising our children? Growing up in this movement, I have seen more than my fair share of arguments over the calendar, modesty standards, the pronunciation of His name, and whether the earth is flat or not. My question is, when we instill these things on our children, shouldn’t we make sure not to neglect the weightier matters of the Torah as well? Teaching our children things like faithfulness, mercy, and compassion? I’ve seen time and time again teens that grow up and abandon the faithful teachings of their family–only to become prodigals who later come back having been, exposed, harassed, and deceived by satan and the sins of the world. We need to look at this and ask the hard question: What are we NOT doing?
A sweet older-woman friend of mine has six sons–all in their 20s who know, love, and are serving The Lord. One day in conversation with her, she happened to tell me that when her boys were young, they made frequent trips to the nursing homes to play worship music for the elderly. Another family I know has a family band ministry where they’ve written their own worship music and travel around the country to sing at different churches and share messages about purity. This last example is pretty extreme, but I know a family who moved to the Amish community and raised them without the modern conveniences of the mainstream world. Two of the families I mentioned above later went on to have very popular worldwide ministries serving Israel. While the other has a wonderful ministry ministering to the youth through means of a worship and farming internship.
All these families have something in common–they all serve, worship, and minister together. I’ve come up with some ideas that will hopefully bring clarity on how to encourage our youth to continue holding firm to their faith and continuing down the path of the straight and narrow.
Age-appropriate choices: When they’re little, its easy to make all the choices for them. The best part about it–they don’t mind taking your word for it! Ooh, but if you have a head strong teen, you know first hand it isn’t that easy. Deep down inside, children like boundaries, it helps them to feel safe and secure. Yet, as they get older–they naturally will get bored and want to try new things. It’s up to us whether we transition with them or not. When my daughter was around 10 years old, she no longer liked to make paper crafts like when she was little–it’s an understatement when I say this broke my heart.That entire year, I grieved the loss of a craft partner, but overtime I realized I gained a young friend. She started growing in understanding, which opened up for more mature conversations. Now, at 13, she’s exploring fashion. While some of the things she chooses, I don’t necessarily advocate nor teach–I’ve gotten to the place where I’ve had to ask myself a few questions, “Is this a salvation issue? Is it against the Word of God? Is it immodest or is it just not what I would do/wear? Does our own Father in Heaven force us to do His will, or even keep His commandments? No, He gives us a choice. I’m not at all advocating letting our teens have a “free for all”, as a matter of fact, I still teach, encourage, and admonish on the core values that I’ve instilled in her. The only difference is I allow her to make age appropriate choices for things concerning herself. For my family, this includes minimal jewelry, a personal decision to head-cover or not, her choice of modest style, and her choice of worship music. Since giving her more opportunity to practice her own free will, shes made me proud by deciding to let go of certain things that she realized was truly vanity at its core.
Minimize exposure to the world & Go device-less: This is an extremely difficult one to incorporate, but I know that it would reap rewards that are far beyond what we could ever imagine, if employed with sought after wisdom and prayerful help of the Holy Spirit and counsel from trusted elders. This takes a huge commitment on the part of all the adults and older children that are within the family. Minimizing the exposure of the world to your children includes things like no television in the home, minimal access or awareness to movies, swapping out your smart phone for a regular flip phone, minimal exposure to computers or laptops, possibly going off grid (if you’re into that). Let me just say–in this movement, be careful. For some reason, it’s easy for people to borderline lose their minds and become abusive or neglectful all in the name of ” wanting to do the right thing and protect their family from the world (Trust me, I’ve seen it all). Remember, the point is to create an environment that children can thrive in and feel compelled to continue their walk with The Lord as they become adults.
Choose their friends wisely: Growing up, I had some “not so positive” influential friends. Something my mother said sticks with me to this day–she said, “As a parent, you can choose your child’s friends”. Perhaps you live in a neighborhood and the neighbor kid down the road comes over often and over time you see that they are not such a positive influence to your children. Don’t hesitate to talk to their parents and even limit the access they may have to your children. My daughter so wisely said, “The friends you choose is the person you’ll become”.
Open your home to foster children: Yes, we are swinging to the opposite end of the spectrum on this one. Opening your home to foster children I imagine is something that comes with the territory of one’s calling. With prayerful consideration, this could be an opportunity to strengthen your children’s hearts towards the fatherless. The fatherless have no idea what it s like to have a functioning home or family. I don’t want to sugar coat the trauma that these children have been through–it may be a battle. Yet, if your called to it, then you’re children will be able to give the gift of family and that will stick with them forever.
Build a family altar: Nancy Campbell from Above Rubies Magazine talks extensively about the family altar. A family altar can look different from family to family, but it generally consists of a few elements. Worship music–whether anyone plays instruments or not, you can still sing . Prayer, reading the Word, and devotionals. Family altars are replicated after the temple’s sacrifices, so the family altar times are usually every morning and evening. Creating this routine for children can help instill in them the importance spending time with their Heavenly Father, It can also help them grow in leadership roles, as kids are able to take turns leading worship time for the family.
Keep open conversations: I’ll be the first to say this can be tough. When your child comes to you about something that you don’t like or want to hear–keep your cool and have a non-judgmental conversation about it. We want them to feel comfortable coming to us, right? Then we MUST be approachable, even in the midst of hard conversations.
Feeding the hungry: When I was a kid, I remember we would go to an inner city park and feed hungry people there. There were even times that some of my family members would take some of the homeless to their house and host them for a time. I’ve met some amazing people and the thought of this during my childhood still impacts me today.
Visiting nursing homes: I have a cousin who’s worked in a nursing home for over ten years. The stories he’s shared about the residents there have made me both laugh and cry. One thing he’s shared is that very few of the nursing home residents receive visits from family . Because of this, they absolutely LOVE when the youth come to visit them. There have been times when I would take my young daughter and the residents would woo and him & haw all over her. If your children aren’t privileged with grandparents, then this is a wonderful opportunity to encourage relationships between your youth and the community’s elderly.
Pass out tracts: Who can resist a kid, right? If your family is evangelical, then this could be a perfect opportunity to help increase your child’s confidence in sharing the gospel. There are countless ways that you could use these moments to encourage your child’s walk with God. I can’t even imagine the conversations that they would witness or even hold with people in their community.
Visit the imprisoned: Something more geared towards the older children, they could share the gospel with those who’ve found themselves in trouble. There’s a real fire and anointing moving through the prisons at this time in history, involving the youth could be life changing for them. Giving them the chance to see how God can redeem anyone from anything and cultivate a heart of compassion for the broken of the world.
Involve them in activism: Until recently, I knew very little about the spiritual work that people invest over major political issues. I’m learning that there are more opportunities to get involved in besides protesting (I mean, if you feel led to–go for it!). But there are prayer lines, conferences, and opportunities to volunteer with different ministries. Giving children a chance to be apart of changing the course of history is a sure way to encourage them in their walk.
In a world filled with distractions and temptations, guiding our children to walk the straight and narrow path is no small feat, but it is a journey well worth the effort. By fostering a strong sense of purpose, we can equip them with the tools they need to resist worldly influences and play a vital role in shaping their character and future. Let us remain steadfast in our commitment to guide them with love, patience, and wisdom, trusting that the seeds we plant today will bear the fruit of a strong, unwavering faith tomorrow.
